Can My Ex Stop Me Seeing My Child? What to Do When Child Contact Breaks Down

When parents separate, arrangements for children can quickly become one of the most difficult and emotional parts of the process.

A question family solicitors frequently hear is, “Can my ex stop me seeing my child?”

There is no simple yes or no answer that applies to every family. The law focuses on the welfare and best interests of the child, rather than treating time with a child simply as a right belonging to either parent.

If contact has suddenly stopped, understanding why it has happened, what arrangements are already in place and whether there are any safeguarding concerns will be important in deciding what to do next.

What should I do if my ex stops me seeing my child?

Your first instinct may be to respond immediately, particularly if you believe the decision is unfair. However, where it is safe and appropriate to do so, try to establish why contact has stopped.

Sometimes the problem is the result of poor communication, a disagreement about timings, new partners, school commitments or different expectations about parenting.

A calm written record of communication can be helpful. Keep the focus on your child and on finding a workable solution rather than on the relationship breakdown.

Avoid using your child to carry messages between you.

Can one parent decide that contact should stop?

The circumstances matter. Where there are genuine concerns about a child’s safety or welfare, legal advice should be obtained promptly. Allegations involving domestic abuse, neglect, substance misuse or another risk of harm need to be treated seriously.

Where there are no safeguarding concerns and one parent is simply preventing the other from spending time with the child, it may be necessary to consider mediation, legal correspondence or an application to the Family Court.

The Government encourages separated parents to reach their own arrangements where possible, including where children will live and how much time they will spend with each parent.

Do I need to go straight to Family Court?

Not necessarily. Court proceedings are not the only way to resolve a disagreement about children and, where it is safe to do so, resolving matters without court intervention can sometimes produce a quicker and less adversarial outcome.

A solicitor can help you understand your position, communicate proposals and identify whether negotiation or mediation could be appropriate.

Before making many applications concerning children, you will normally need to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, known as a MIAM, although exemptions apply in certain circumstances.

If agreement cannot be reached, an application to the Family Court may become necessary.

What is a Child Arrangements Order?

A Child Arrangements Order can determine where a child lives, when they spend time with another parent and other arrangements concerning contact.

The language parents use is often different from the legal terminology. People still regularly search for “child custody” or “access”, but the modern legal framework refers to child arrangements.

An order can provide clarity when parents have been unable to agree arrangements themselves.

What will the Family Court consider?

The Family Court’s focus is the child’s welfare. The court can consider the child’s wishes and feelings, taking account of their age and understanding, their physical, emotional and educational needs, the likely effect of changes in circumstances, any harm they have suffered or may be at risk of suffering and the capability of each parent to meet their needs.

This means that proceedings should not be approached as one parent winning against the other.

The central question is what arrangements are in the child’s best interests.

What if my child says they do not want to see me?

This can be particularly upsetting for a parent. A child’s wishes and feelings can be relevant, but they do not automatically determine the outcome. Their age, maturity, circumstances and reasons for expressing those wishes will all be important.

There can be many reasons why a child becomes reluctant to spend time with a parent following separation.

Trying to force the issue without understanding what is happening can sometimes make matters worse. Legal advice can help you consider the appropriate next step and whether other professional input may be required.

What if there is already a Child Arrangements Order?

If there is already a court order in place and it is not being followed, the position is different. You can ask the court to enforce an existing Child Arrangements Order. The court will consider the circumstances, including the reasons why the order has not been followed.

It is important not to assume that breaching an order automatically produces a particular outcome. The court will continue to consider the child’s welfare and the individual circumstances.

If an existing order is no longer workable because circumstances have changed, it may be appropriate to consider whether the order itself needs to be varied.

Keep the focus on your child

Relationship breakdown can create strong feelings, particularly where one parent believes they are being excluded from their child’s life.

However difficult the communication becomes, try to separate the dispute between the adults from your child’s relationship with each parent.

Messages, emails and conversations may later form part of a wider legal dispute, but more importantly, hostile communication can make reaching a workable parenting arrangement much harder.

Where possible, keep communication factual, calm and focused on the needs of your child.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can my ex legally stop me seeing my child?

The answer depends on the circumstances, including whether there are safeguarding concerns and whether a court order is already in place. Legal advice should be sought if contact is being prevented.

Do mothers have more rights than fathers?

The Family Court’s focus is the welfare of the child rather than automatically favouring one parent because they are the mother or father.

Can I apply to court if my ex refuses contact?

Depending on your circumstances, you may be able to apply for a Child Arrangements Order. You will usually need to consider mediation and attend a MIAM first, unless an exemption applies.

What happens if my ex ignores a Child Arrangements Order?

You may be able to apply to the court to enforce the order. The court will consider why the order has not been followed and what action is appropriate.

Can my child decide they do not want to see me?

Their wishes and feelings can be considered, with the weight given to them depending on factors including their age and understanding, but this is not the only factor the court considers.

Should I stop paying child maintenance if I am not allowed contact?

Child maintenance and arrangements for spending time with children are separate issues. Do not use the withholding of maintenance as a response to a contact dispute.

Speak to BP Legal

If your ex has stopped you seeing your child, you are struggling to agree child arrangements or an existing court order is not being followed, BP Legal’s experienced Family Law team is here to provide clear, practical guidance tailored to your individual circumstances.

If you have a question or would like to make an enquiry, email our team at info@bplegal.co.uk.

Written by BP Legal, a trusted family and property law firm in Leicester, led by Bhumika Parmar, solicitor, founder, former President of the Leicestershire Law Society and trustee of Zinthiya Trust.